A possible explanation for failed relationships. - Love and Dating

aspiemike Phoenix Joined: Jul 09, 2012 Posts: 764 Location: Ottawa, Ontario Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 4:56 pm?? ?Post subject: A possible explanation for failed relationships. Not sure if I should post this here, or in social skills since this post can easily apply there in friendship terms. It's funny what my conciousness or awareness tells me. I said to a friend of mine about dating and relationships and after suffering a little recently how things seem to work out in the world. However, people forget that suffering is a natural thing and that most people tend to do it alone because others don't want to be around a person that is suffering. The other people will say "Oh, that person is depressing, I can't be around them as it makes me feel bad." Remember the quote "Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone." This is a good example of how people suffer in the world, they do it alone... especially if they blame others for all of the suffering they endure. There will be people that will hurt you and it is what it is. I find the sooner I accept the fact that someone hurt me, the easier it is to end the suffering I go through and the less blame that gets put on others. Now let's apply this to something that has happened to me and probably to many people on this forum. Gender roles can be reversed as well as this can happen to both men and women. Why do women leave me out of their life when they break up with me? Simple. People always said that the man has to be in control. Once the man has lost the control, the attraction the woman has more often than not disappears since she realizes and says to herself "I am in control of this guy, I don't want him around anymore." This usually happens early on. Of course, the later this development happens, the harder it would be for the woman to leave since she may have developed a true feeling of love. This is regardless of alpha male bullshit. This is when the man loses control of himself and the women is inclined to feel less attracted to him. She starts labelling the guy to feel better about herself. Ultimately, the woman has decided that the guy doesn't fit the mold of what she wants, and the guy on the other hand was probably suffering beforehand and made the mistake of asking for guidance (thus making the women superior to him.) This is why I deal with my suffering alone and without asking for help. I know people won't be of help for me for a variety of reasons. It also teaches me that I cannot rely on the girl that labelled me and walked away. Guess what happens with that friendship when I realize this fact? It ends. No reason to make myself miserable anymore after figuring out that she would ditch me the first chance she got. She had her chance and she said "no thanks" To repeat: People naturally don't want to be around a person that is suffering either. It makes them feel bad or guilty and noone ever wants to have those negative feelings. Back to top minervx Phoenix Joined: Apr 14, 2011 Age: 21 Posts: 978 Location: United States Back to top aspiemike Phoenix Joined: Jul 09, 2012 Posts: 764 Location: Ottawa, Ontario Back to top uwmonkdm Raven Joined: Mar 06, 2013 Age: 23 Posts: 112 Location: Canada Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 12:41 am?? ?Post subject: I've had the same experience - anytime I showed any weakness, sadness, or dependence (even a TINY amount) ... she seemed less attracted to me, in all ways. I even brought this up with an ex girlfriend and she told me it doesn't affect anything, women want a man who's "open" etc. But in all honesty, and reality, I think women are looking for prince charming - he's always brave, determined, focused, and treats her like a princess etc. Meanwhile men are looking for their insatiable pornstar, and essentially a male version of them outside of the bedroom. We're both messed up and screwed, welcome to the 21st century. Back to top IlovemyAspie Phoenix Joined: Mar 08, 2012 Posts: 611 Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 1:12 am?? ?Post subject: Quote: I even brought this up with an ex girlfriend and she told me it doesn't affect anything, women want a man who's "open" etc. I feel this way. I feel if a man is willing to open up to me and become vulnerable, that only deepens the bond we have. There's a time to be strong, but there's also a time to let your guard down and have those human moments we all need experience. Quote: I think women are looking for prince charming - he's always brave, determined, focused, and treats her like a princess etc. I just a guy to be strong when necessary....but not all of the time. And I'm not gonna lie, I do wanna be spoiled!! But I'll reciprocate 100%. Back to top aspiemike Phoenix Joined: Jul 09, 2012 Posts: 764 Location: Ottawa, Ontario Back to top IlovemyAspie Phoenix Joined: Mar 08, 2012 Posts: 611 Back to top aspiemike Phoenix Joined: Jul 09, 2012 Posts: 764 Location: Ottawa, Ontario Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 1:34 am?? ?Post subject: IlovemyAspie wrote: Quote: the smart thing to do is to not talk to the person who rejected you until they are no longer on your mind in a romantic way. BINGO!!!!! It's the no contact rule. No contact what so ever until you have no feelings one way or the other. You're not bashing that person every chance you get and your heart isn't still fluttering when you think about them. Once that has taken place, then you are free to try to reconnect on a friendship level. Yes, even when she confuses you and says that she "wants her Mikey back" and uses the same flirty talk as before, but then says stupid sh** like "why can't you act normal" and "You will find your love one day." Good reason for a no contact rule right there. Back to top IlovemyAspie Phoenix Joined: Mar 08, 2012 Posts: 611 Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 3:13 am?? ?Post subject: aspiemike wrote: IlovemyAspie wrote: Quote: the smart thing to do is to not talk to the person who rejected you until they are no longer on your mind in a romantic way. BINGO!!!!! It's the no contact rule. No contact what so ever until you have no feelings one way or the other. You're not bashing that person every chance you get and your heart isn't still fluttering when you think about them. Once that has taken place, then you are free to try to reconnect on a friendship level. Yes, even when she confuses you and says that she "wants her Mikey back" and uses the same flirty talk as before, but then says stupid sh** like "why can't you act normal" and "You will find your love one day." Good reason for a no contact rule right there. IGNORE THAT BS!!! Close the door on that relationship. And when she comes knocking, don't answer. Let her miss out on you. Back to top Philosoraptor Snowy Owl Joined: Jan 17, 2013 Age: 21 Posts: 159 Location: Massachusetts, United States Back to top

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